I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
