He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
