Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
