Don't you send me to vm
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I will pee on everything he values.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
