There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
