Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
organizing the empties. That sober.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
