btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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