I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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