At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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