i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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