saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
