Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
