Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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