There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
