So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
