Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
