I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize