New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
