I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
