sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
