Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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