So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think my moral compass just broke
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
