it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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