I just threw up on my dentist
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
