I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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