piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
