my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
