Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
