I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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