batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
