I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
