Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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