i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
