if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
