Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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