Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
