Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
