I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
