I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
