never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Boobs speak an international language.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
