I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Text me some of your sweat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
