that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
