We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
