is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
