I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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