I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
