I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
