I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
