mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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