Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
