I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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