I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
