I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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