Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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